BEFORE CASTING STONES: UNMASKING COYNESS AND CRAVING IN THE SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD.

It was a gruelling two weeks, and I had done a cumulative eighteen hours of air travel time, involving activities in different parts of the world – I won't tell. The truth was that I was tired and should have taken the remaining days of the week off, but the superhero instinct some of us have, the need to outreach ourselves to achieve what?? Honestly, I cannot tell. So I agreed to a group meeting on a day I typically work from home, a day after the last trip. You can imagine my nerves were aggressively screaming for confrontation, and one came from unexpected quarters. Perhaps I might have reacted with an understanding, almost indulgent, patronizing smile to the question in ordinary times, but all the chemical juices were on the brink of overflowing. It came in the form of a seemingly innocent question that suggested a need to understand prioritization for persons who attend events, but was laced with the question of why they get to see these events only on social media. The question, when it struck me, suggested that the interest was not so much in participating in the event as in being seen happily on social media – window dressing, not the substance in the room. The mind is a different country of its own, sometimes having its own way of steering from the direction you want it to go, creating cobwebs of connection that can confound even Spider-Man. It immediately threw me back to a time when someone, in a moment of unguarded unhelpfulness (this is getting intense!), said that someone had asked him if I was looking for a job because I was appearing frequently on my company’s social media platforms. I found it silly but also annoying – how is it possible to be a spokesperson of an organisation without being seen? And to make matters worse, I reposted content from my official platform, hoping to increase its visibility, as my social media platforms had more followers. I felt misunderstood and found myself in a place I typically despise being – someone perceived with an intense craving for anything, worse still, social media. You can imagine how I responded to the question, brittle and irritable, and my mind was thinking, of all things, to be discussing social media at this crucial meeting. I was indignant!

Later in self-introspection, I asked myself, who can be truly coy about social media? Who can honestly say they can unflinchingly and with good conscience cast the first stone at anyone who genuinely wants to be seen on social media and be followed, or have friends and a voice on social media? The truth is that social media, indeed, is the new world's media, a tautology but true. How many times have you woken up to quickly check the number of likes you have acquired in a post, the number of followers you have, the number of friends who are following you? How many times have you winced at seeing a close relative or close relative’s child’s or even your own child’s engagement on social media before the family is informed but you reshare on family group platforms just to look good?  How many times have you dreamt secretly of being a social media influencer, not only to make money out of this, but also to be a thought leader in some aspects of our lives? How many times as a social media manager have you salivated at the potential bonus you may get from meeting the growth target of your company or client? We need to caution against hypocrisy and judgment.

If we think social media does not go beyond the gossip and the wide-eyed wide-mouthed salacious and salty conversations about stars and the famous, platforms to judge others, while ignoring our shortcomings or looking out for social media (ha ha) to help us resolve our shortcoming, then we need to think again. Even the famous have understood and have used the platforms effectively to strengthen their brands… You should, too.

Social Media covers all aspects of our lives, personal, political, health, and religious – to pretend it does not exist is almost to pretend you can live without breathing. But drawing from the analogy of breathing, you tend to gulp and breathe in heavily when you are at a park filled with green-leaved luscious trees to take in as much oxygen as you can. You tend to cover your nose when passing by a bin emitting a stench, or when encountering the retch or vomit of an inebriated person. Similarly, you need to match your consumption with caution and craving with discipline. Craving an unusual word, for something that has nothing to do with gluttony or physical desires, but true as it is challenging to get people off social media and deploying social media fasting is becoming a welcome spiritual therapy.

Consumption is one thing, usage for brand building is another. As a teacher of brand strategy and communication, I often advise my students first to determine which social media platform they want to be seen on and which social media network they should befriend. What do you really want to achieve? How do you want people to perceive you? How honest do you really want to be seen? What is the whole purpose? Just like human beings, social media platforms have their “personalities,” and you cannot force a trait that does not exist into it. LinkedIn cannot be used actively as a political platform, for instance, like X(Twitter). You cannot turn Pinterest into a religious platform, but a YouTube channel would be more effective. Again, these are thoughts that can be tested. What we know for sure is that those who have deployed social media effectively have won elections around the world and have become preachers with their pulpit on the New World media stage. Father Mike Schmitz, a Catholic Priest in Minnesota, is an example. His Podcast has been deemed the most watched podcast on Apple, and the immense followership remains unusual for one steeped in traditional Catholicism, not necessarily with the sprinkles of Pentecostal garb. Religious leaders, such as the Pope, leaders of countries, and top CEOs, are all active on social media. The world we live in has gone beyond 'I don’t want to be on social media.' But how do I present myself on social media to reflect who I am? Do I remain authentic without sharing every aspect of my life on these platforms? Stories have been told of how celebrities were either killed or attacked because of their postings.

Regulation in this space has also been fraught with challenges for most countries. In Nigeria, the Bill for the “Protection from Internet Falsehood and Manipulation” met brick walls because of the concerns that it would limit freedom of speech. Agencies like the National Information Technology Agency (NITDA) have a code of practice to, among other things, protect users and moderate content, while the Advertising Regulatory Council of Nigeria is insisting on mandatory vetting of all advertisements on social media, including influencers' and content creators' platforms.

Overall, social media should add value to your life, not the other way round. You can use it to share an opinion you feel strongly about in a decent manner, to connect with someone, an old friend or old classmate, you can connect to a potential mentor, who can support your career growth, or even help you land a job – even though the latter is now fraught with scammers who may want to undo some beguiled persons just out of school and desperate for a career growth.

You should strive to add value to other people’s lives through social media whenever possible, providing guidance and sharing information that can positively impact their lives.

Overall, social media has enabled a culture of judgment and hypocrisy where people often prioritize appearances over authenticity; a cesspool of judgmental behaviour, bullying, passive aggressiveness, crimes, and everything else we see in the outside world of social media. It has grown an entitlement culture where people believe they must leverage every organisation they are part of. However, it can also serve as a platform for learning and meaningful connectivity, fostering personal, economic, and spiritual growth. It is a reflection of our world; it is a reflection of us. Self-awareness and self-reflection should help us strike the right balance.